The Boston Celtics Sale is Kinda Weird

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There is almost nothing I miss less from my actual journalism days than the endless search for superlatives. “Record-high” or “highest since XXX” is the sort of thing that every reporter in the world knows will make their story feel just a little more noteworthy than it is.

In sports, where this really gets me is contracts. Pro athletes can be petty people too, such that they seem to genuinely care whether they are the “highest-paid defensive tackle in history” for… one year, if that. Maybe!

And this gets even sillier when you stop to consider the fine print that tends to put these deals over the superlative top. Maybe one guy has the most guaranteed money, but this guy, he’s got the highest AAV. And this other guy? He’s got the highest lifetime value. Until he doesn’t, of course. Because no one has it for long.

And as you might imagine, this effect is diluted over time. I’m not going to do it, because that would be annoying, but if you were to take these sort of record contract headlines and line them up over the course of say, 10 years, you’d see how meaningless the distinction was. That’s just inflation, my guys. Nothing to see here.

Oh, right, right. Sorry, we were supposed to be talking about the Celtics sale. And we will! Because that also satisfies two of the things I was whining about just now. First, it was a record-high sale, which makes a lot of sense. This is the Boston Celtics, after all, owners of the most titles in NBA history and one of the prouder franchises in the sport.

It also has its fair share of fine print, which Axios reported yesterday. The main thing is this part:

“Bill Chisholm, the club's presumptive new control owner, has committed less money to the two-part deal than has Sixth Street Partners, according to three sources.”

For those unaware, Sixth Street Partners is a private equity firm. Further to that, it’s a PE firm with a strong interest in sports investing. They already own a major stake in the San Antonio Spurs, among other franchises in other leagues.

However! Aren’t there rules about this business? In fact there are. More Axios:

• “That is not allowed by the NBA, per regulations first established in 2021.”

• Instead, a PE fund can have the lesser of 20% or below the percentage held by the control owner (who must hold a 15% minimum stake).”

… Alright. With you so far. Sounds like my man Bill might have an issue here. (And to think, he’s a Dartmouth guy. Sorry Petey. You’ll get ‘em next time.)

As Axios rightly points out, there are a few ways this can go from here.

First, Chisholm could pony up more cash himself, which probably isn’t very likely but is theoretically possible.

Second, and more likely, Chisholm could recruit some more investors and allow them to pony up some of the money that Sixth Street has currently committed, such that they fall below the 15% stake that Chisholm has committed.

And the third and most interesting, if not necessarily good, option is that Chisholm seeks an exemption from the league and gets them to ignore the regulations. That’s also possible, but only if, I believe, every single owner was on board with that, which may not be the case.

Now, since we already talked about not reading too far into headlines, let’s be clear. This isn’t outlandish. It’s against the rules, but like I said, PE is already in basketball at the level proposed here.

These firms are currently capped at a 20% stake, but they already have a piece of what will be six teams counting the Celtics (or seven, if you also count A-Rod’s deal for the Timberwolves that remains in limbo at the moment).

20% is the exact stake that Sixth Street has in the Spurs. The foot’s been in the door for a while, is what I’m saying.

Now to the record-high sale. It’s the most expensive franchise purchase in any league, which is something the NBA will no doubt be happy about, what with their little-brother thing with the NFL.

My prediction is the record will be broken the next time a major NFL team goes up for sale, but maybe it does mean something that this number has landed where it has.

Because of the strange structure of the deal, which I’ll get into in a second — that’s my favorite weird part about all this — Chisholm’s group won’t own the team in full until 2028, by which time the valuation of the team would likely be more like $7.3 billion than the $6.1 billion that was in the press release.

That’s a lot of money! And it is for that reason — the billion-and-change jump in the next three years — that this record, too, will fall in due course. That’s not all that interesting to me.

The interesting part is that Chisholm agreed to the rather unique terms set out by the current primary owner, Wyc Grousbeck (who is not the majority owner, mind you — that’d be his father, Irv, who is 91 and never ‘ran’ the team in the way that Wyc has for the last 20 years or so).

It looked like Wyc wasn’t going to get his wish on this, but now he will. He’s going to continue running the team until this deal closes out in 2028.

Wyc will, in theory, be the guy who hoists the trophy on the podium in the entirely likely case that the Celtics manage to win another title by then. He will be the guy watching on from the owners’ box. Chisholm will be next to him, but Grousbeck the Younger will still be the guy who sees this through.

That’s weird. There’s a reason that Wyc didn’t make that a requirement in order to sell. He wanted to when he announced the auction last summer. But most people think that fell by the wayside when various bidders balked at the idea that they’d just keep the old boss around for a few years after they spent several billions of dollars, in large part, to be the owner, y’know?

These guys aren’t above that. They want to feel like they’re in charge, and part of that is looking like you’re in charge to everyone else. For the time being, he appears to have signed that away. Weird! Respectable, IMO, but weird.

So one of two things are happening here. Either Chisholm is a little more humble than your usual sports owner, which is possible, or he sees the value in allowing for the continuity that might bring the team more success in the years to come.

Or……….. Chisholm is like just about every other pro sports owner, and he’s not going to be so cool with this when it actually happens. Like, say, at that theoretical championship parade. Are we sure he’s going to be okay making the second speech to the crowd?

Who knows. But I’ll give you a superlative, just for old times’ sake. This is the second-weirdest NBA sale in recent memory, and it still has some room to grow. Minnesota will be hard to catch, but Boston’s given themselves a chance. Best of luck, guys. I’m rooting for ya.

⚾ Happy Opening Day to all who celebrate, which is an every-hand question of American proportions. The Cardinals will not be good this year, but I will be watching them suck with all the dedication I can muster. And hey, 1-0! We’ll take it.

🏀 He’s Larry Bird! He’s 7’0” tall, Serbian Larry Bird. He’s Larry Serb. Crazy.

🏀 Starting to think this Cooper Flagg guy might be pretty good. You guys seen this dude? Not bad!

🏈 Thoughts and prayers to the Giants QB room. Now, if you will, imagine drafting Shedeur Sanders into that? Y’know, to join the not-exactly-a-real-one Russell Wilson and known goober Jameis Winston? They should’ve waited a year on Hard Knocks.

🎾 It’s been so long since North Brooklyn Baddies season that Laura’s stopped looking for her name in these. We need a maintenance mention, and I’m here to hand one out. In case you haven’t heard, Laura plays tennis now! As of this very day! Everyone be sure to congratulate Laura.